My Orgasms Have Changed & Penetration is Painful

Thu, 06/23/2011 - 10:20
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty!

I have just discovered this website today, and am so happy to have stumbled (web surfed) upon such a wonderful thing.

I have been able to orgasm since I was a teenager, I am now 25. Although, they have changed. I remember my orgasms used to feel like my body contracting (more of a consecutive squeeze and release) for about 30 seconds or so, and even after my body would still have less strong contractions until almost a minute after. They were the same thing as say, when you stop urinating. They were and always have been from clitoral stimulation. Anyway, my orgasms have changed. Now, instead of the wonderful squeezing and releasing, it's more of a forceful push. Usually only one big one. This happens with or without penetration. And they last nowhere near as long as they used to. I have actually forced penises out of me while orgasming. I miss my other orgasms! Has my body changed? Is it a different type of orgasm? Thank you so much!

Also, sometimes intercourse can be very painful. Not for my labia, but deep inside. It feels like they're going into the land of the lost and hitting a dead end. I was diagnosed with HPV about a year and a half ago. I was wondering if this could be the cause? I have only heard of vulvodynia. I don't think that is the problem. What other causes could there be?

Dear B,

By all means join us and share the good news with your girlfriends. Sexual feminism is alive and well at

First just so everyone knows what HPV is all about, I'm including Wikipeida's definition: "Most HPV infections in young females are temporary and have little long-term significance. 70% of infections are gone in 1 year and 90% in 2 years. However, when infection persists—in 5% to 10% of infected women, there is high risk of developing cervical precancer (lesions on the cervix), which can progress to invasive cervical cancer. This process usually takes 15–20 years, providing many opportunities for detection and treatment of the pre-cancerous condition, often with high cure rates."

HPV is not causing your pain and Vulvadynia isn't either. Whenever penetration is painful it's a sign you need to make some changes. There is an end to the vagina. Before a woman is sufficiently sexually aroused a penis will hit the cervix (the mouth of the uterus) which doesn't feel good. Once a woman is fully turned on, the uterus lifts creating more space that can and will accommodate a rather large penis. We are all different when it comes to how long it takes to get REALLY turned on. But the usual 5 minutes of clitty diddling doesn't get it for me or many other women. Also men need to learn not to slam into Ms Vagina unless a woman requests it.

Everyone is quite unique and different. As for vaginal or uterine contractions during an orgasm, this is different for women, and can change over time. As for pushing out a lovers' penis, at the moment of orgasm the vaginal muscles often tighten and clamp down, but only briefly. If a guy is hard and still thrusting, it will be difficult to re-enter if you are mid-orgasm. If he's soft and your both resting, it's easy to bear down and push his penis out. Actually it's fun and feels good, especially for the woman.

To discuss contractions, I'd need to know what kind of stimulation you are getting. Is it a combination of vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation? Is your clitoris being stimulated by a vibrator? Is it some kind of G spot stimulation inside your vagina? Contractions of the uterus are quite subtle and easy to miss. But the pushing out can either be autonomic or done on purpose like bearing down as in having a bowel movement. Try to determine if the pushing out is automatic or if you are doing it. Another thing we need to avoid is comparing ourselves to what once was but no longer is happening now. Avoid over thinking your orgasms. Remember it's all about pleasure and having fun.

Dr. Betty

Dear Dr. Betty,

These contractions can be caused by both vaginal and clitoral stimulation or just clitoral alone. It may be with a vibrator or just manual stimulation. I do notice that if I am "on top" I lean back to increase pressure on where my g spot probably is. I say this because I have never really found it, maybe I have, but I have never had an orgasm from g spot stimulation alone. It does feel good though. If I am experiencing both manual and g spot stimulation, my orgasms aren't any different than with clitoral stimulation alone.

I don't "push" on purpose either. I have tried not to do it before, but it totally screwed up my whole orgasm and well, that was that. I suppose they are autonomic. Also, most of the time when I orgasm and am on top I push my lover's penis out of me. He could be hard as a rock and it still happens. Maybe because I am usually leaning back so he is not totally inside me. I think I may have super strong pc muscles. I do Kegels whenever I think of it. I have the Luna Beads by Lelo and they aren't even close to being a challenge.

And about the pain, could it be that I just have a sensitive cervix? Ovarian cysts? I can be almost to orgasm and it could happen. The pain is usually to the side, closer to my hip than the center. Probably time to see a gyno.

Dear B,

As a licensed massage therapist (the LMT after your name) you have more body information than most people. But again I suggest you not over think your orgasm. I went through a period where I nearly drove myself nuts trying to figure out what was happening inside my body with my orgasms alone or with a partner. At one point I had a mysterious pain to one side during orgasm and I used to joke that it was my left ovary acting up. The pain was never severe enough that I felt I had to see a doctor. And it eventually disappeared.

The G spot is such an unfortunate name because it's just an area, the sponge surrounding the urinary tract which in women is no longer than an inch and a half and sits on the other side of the ceiling of the vagina. When you lean back on top of your partner, his penis is most likely pressing into some part of the sponge that is erectile tissue. I am not a big fan of the G so I can't speak from experience here. My protege Eric Amaranth has done a lot of practical research on this and you could contact him for a phone consultation. His information is all over the website.

Let me know what you discover after you see your health care provider.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time