I Can Only Orgasm Squeezing My Legs Together

Tue, 08/02/2011 - 17:07
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi, Betty.

I would first like to say that I LOVE your website. I'm 16 and have always had a lot of sexual curiosity and I love when people, like yourself can speak freely about a topic that has, unfortunately been so down played and criticized by our society. Thank you and Carlin for all you do.

Now, I have been masturbating since a very young age. I started at about 5 or 6 when I discovered how good the sensation of squeezing my legs together felt. I have been masturbating for about 10 years now, but always with that same technique. It wasn't until I was about 14 that I started playing with my hands, but even though it does feel good, it can only get me to the point right before orgasm and then the sensation sort of plateaus and I won't reach orgasm, which prompts me to switch to my original form of self pleasuring until I orgasm. I love my orgasms, don't get me wrong but I've always known that the amount of pressure it exerts would be difficult to recreate with a partner.

I was right. I recently started having sex for the first time with my boyfriend. Though sex is really great and we're both very comfortable around each other, so we play around with things, I can't orgasm. Not through fingering, oral play or vaginal penetration.

I don't like girl on top positions as they do nothing for me (not enough pressure) and I'll get close to orgasm (like when I pleasure myself with my fingers) but I won't climax during other positions (missionary is greatly underrated, I love it). Sometimes it's not so bad when we're done and I can deal with not having orgasmed, but sometimes I am very frustrated and annoyed and get really irritated afterward.

It affects him too since he hates that he can't make me climax. It's starting to be a problem, and I know that stressing over it won't do anyone any good so how can I wean myself from my regular technique and start to have orgasms through manual masturbation and of course, through sex? I've read your "How to Masturbate" blog and have tried it out, but it doesn't seem to work. I can get close, but won't orgasm.

I also own a vibrator. Also really good, but won't "finish the job", for lack of a better expression. Please help. I love my boyfriend and I love orgasms. I would ADORE to reconcile the two. Thank you! :)

Sincerely, D

Dear D,

Ah the impatience of youth. My Darling Girl it takes time to change an engrained habit of any kind, especially your long term masturbation technique of ten years! Next read Upgrading Your Masturbation Skills. It can be found in the left hand column. Also check out my other essays under Sex Features on the Navigation Bar. You are doing great. You just need to keep practicing and you will get it all together at some point.

Thanks for all your love and appreciation.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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me too!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 06:07
katja (not verified)


I have the exact same style of masturbating. Maybe twice in my life I came from pure and simple hand on clit stimulation (and that was with a lot of porn watching). I bought a vibrator to try something new and it still wasn't cutting it for me. I thought my thighs were forever linked to climaxing.

BUT, then I found this site. Listened to some podcasts, checked out some answers and came across the rock and roll technique. It worked nicely for me. I've been learning it for over a month and the orgasms vary from small and "what?" to shuddering mind blowing goodness. I know now not to overstimulate my clit and I learned to relax the PC instead of just clenching more and more until release. It is not that difficult, only at the beginning - coordinating all those moves, breathing, squeezing.

Learning to work the PC properly is giving me hope for orgasm during penetrative sex. I've been having PIV sex for ten years now and can get pretty close during intercourse, just need to find a comfortable way of incorporating clit stim - we're looking at some vibrating cock rings soon. Although my boyfriend doesn't "hate that he can't make me climax", because frankly that's not his effort to make.

I'm sure you'll get there in due time! :)

(Also, as a first time commenter, I really want to thank dr Betty and Carlin for this website. I was never shamed about my sexuality - nonreligious home etc - but I still didn't know too much about female pleasure. I thought those little orgasms were all that there was to it and sex with a partner was well... just a thing you do to show you love them. Thankfully your posts, videos and podcasts are showing me all the wonderful things out there and how to get them. I hope to be soon experimenting with Midori's DIY scarf strapon harness. Much love to you all!)

I also only orgasm from this method

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 23:20
Anonymous44 (not verified)

katja, it's encouraging that you have overcome this and found other ways to orgasm.  I have been trying to evolve my masturbation method since I started following this site over a year ago and I have not been able to change it.  I really want to, but I don't necessarily believe that I am missing something by not being able to do it the other way.  My orgasms can be so powerful as they are I can't imagine them getting any better.  I never get anywhere the other method.  I really wish that I could though because I would like to be able to come when I receive oral sex.  Without building the tension in my legs it is impossible so far.  I have been masturbating this way since I was three, and I am 21 now so it's really ingrained in my body.  I am just grateful I can have an orgasm my way, and I can still come during penetrative sex I just have to have my partner entering my from behind and I can do my leg thing...  I'm curious to hear others stories of how they have evolved their technique.

I was the same

Thu, 08/04/2011 - 08:00
lurker (not verified)

Orgasm during partnersex was impossible, only way for me to get off was with squeezing thighs together and rubbing the mound... Many thanks to Dr Betty, she made me realize its only a habit, a way I masturbated at the beginning and later repeated - so it can be changed. Be patient, it wont happen in a day, but eventually you can learn to pleasure yourself in other positions, and get good, strong orgasms with legs wide apart ;-) Not sure if it will help you but for me a good 'transition' phase was masturbating squatting or kneeling - that gave me access to clit and vulva and at the same time good tension in thigh muscles.

BTW I started using this

Fri, 08/05/2011 - 02:20
katja (not verified)

BTW I started using this method when I was 6 and am now 26, so nothing is impossible, even changing a 20 year old habit. It is different, and I also thought that without the legs tensing I'll never get anywhere. It's different because it feels less controlled, less tension means you have to do less work. And that's part of the amazing feeling, the thought of "oh my god, it's going to happen anyway". I remember trying a couple of times to play in the shower, with the shower head. If you squat you stop yourself from using your legs and the water just does it all for you. You can direct it around and about for a general vulva massage or direct it directly at your clit, whatever feels nice. And if you have one of those fancy heads with different spray options - wonderful. This was the first thing that helped me not use my legs. I didn't even think about it, the water was so great I didn't need to use them. Maybe it will help you too?

It's not breaking a habit

Sun, 08/07/2011 - 21:34

It's expanding your

[= 11pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"]repertoire. You have an old standby to use while you experiment with different ways, enjoy yourself. BTW, the rock and roll orgasm is a lot of fun.


Squeezing to orgasm

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 23:09
reneekatie (not verified)

I am 40 years old and I have never had an orgasm any other way than by squeezing my legs together. I would love to orgasm with my boyfriend during intercourse. My 13 year marriage ended mostly because my husband felt he couldn't satisfy me in bed...which was not true. I am going to try hypnotherapy.

I'm 18 and I have the same

Sun, 09/11/2011 - 10:11
Vega (not verified)

I'm 18 and I have the same exact situation. It's kinda conforting to know there are other people like me.

Squeezing thighs is my all-time fave

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 10:53
Tantalizingtiff (not verified)

I have been squeezing my thighs and rubbing outer vaginal area since about 3. As my age grew so did the strength of the rub and the squeeze. It's nice to read that others resort to a similar method for reaching their orgasms. I have tried other methods,And have came, but my all time fave Is laying on my stomach, crossing legs, squeezing them together, and partner enters from behind, and we rub on outer vaginal area together.

chiming in with my experience

Mon, 01/09/2012 - 17:25
Marisa Black

It's great to read so many comments from others who experience orgasm similar to the woman who wrote to Betty.

I explained my own process with learning how to orgasm differently in a couple of posts, both on this site and my own website.  The first I called Operation Touch My Clit (link to the D&R version here and on my own site here).  Until fairly recently, I wasn't able to touch my clitoris directly, preferring indirect pressure.  Over time, and with patience, I have expanded my scope and now enjoy both direct and indirect pressure.

The other post I'll share is specifically about learning how to orgasm with my legs open, instead of squeezing my thighs together as I'd always done.  I found that using Betty's Barbell helped me accomplish this new form of orgasm, paired with clitoral stim. The D&R version is here and it's on my own website here.

Please note that there's no "better" or "worse" way to orgasm. Whether pressure on the clit is direct or indirect, whether your thighs are spread open or squeezed together - an orgasm is a gift you give yourself. If you want to learn new ways of giving yourself that gift, awesome. In my experience, variety is wonderful, and I've found a lot of joy in expanding the ways that I can orgasm, both alone and with others.

Happy orgasms to you, and to all of us!

Squeezing legs together

Sun, 04/14/2013 - 18:11
ElenF (not verified)

Omg I thought I was the only person who does this! This is the only way I can masturdate! My boyfriend whom I've had for 9 years hasnt been able to make me masterbate up to this day, he broke my verginity at 16, I am afraid to tell him cuz I dont wana crush his spirtit, sex with him is still really good but i cant orgasm unless i squeeze my legs together, I want to know, are there special techniiques he can use for girls like me, like possitions etc? 

Stop being such a lazy passive woman and read what's posted.

Betty Dodson's picture
Mon, 04/15/2013 - 09:52
Betty Dodson

Elen, partnersex is a dance between two active people. Not a zombie lying there expecting to "get done" by her lover. Read around the site for more information.
Dr. Betty

I DID IT!!! :o)

Sat, 06/29/2013 - 22:25
happybrowngirl (not verified)

Dear Dr. Betty,
Thank you sooooooo much for providing this helpful (and free!) information on the web. Like T, I'm a teenager (18) who has been masturbating this way since I was 2 or 3. My mom laughingly told me that she saw me doing it many times as a toddler, furiously squeezing my legs together and holding my breath....She never put it into my mind though that this was something to be ashamed of. I'm thankful I never felt bad about taking care of my own sexual needs in this way. I always thought I was the only one who got off this way until being reassured by the other women on this site that I'm not alone! Like many others, I can vouch for the fact that the squeezing method of masturbation definitely makes study time a lot more fun, without even drawing attention to myself in the library.
Although I'm a virgin who's had no real experience with a significant other (I'm a single, busy college student, and quite happy that way), I wanted to see if I could experiment with direct clitoral stimulation and "upgrade my orgasm" for myself. You're right, it definitely doesn't come immediately. After several attempts over the past few months, I finally achieved orgasm (or at least the satisfying release I couldn't get earlier) through rubbing my clit vigorously and holding an erotic image in my head, after first masturbating to orgasm once in my normal way. I didn't give myself much of a refractory period after the first orgasm, so I think it helped not to have to start "at the bottom of the hill" if that makes any sense. I started out doing the PC contractions you suggested, but once my finger got into the rhythm, I kinda forgot...haha.
I'm excited to keep experimenting! My next goal will be adding vaginal penetration. Thanks again for your advice and this awesome site!!
P.S.: I will admit, my hand did get a bit tired from all the rubbing. If I can get my hands on one, would you suggest getting a small clitoral vibrator at my age?

And here I thought I was the only one.

Tue, 08/06/2013 - 02:58
ClumsyVirgin (not verified)

It is good to know that I am not the only women who has to go though this. I too can only achieve my orgasm through squeezing my legs together. It started for me when I was a child on up to my adulthood. For the past few days I have been trying to orgasm with the use of my hands, but it just doesnt do it for me. When I rub my clitoris, its as if the sensitivity drops and I feel nothing. Yet the feeling is amazing when I do it my regular way. Before I came here I felt really abnornal about it, because I am always talking to my friend about stuff like this, and she brags about how her man can bring her to orgasm just by touching her clit, oral, etc.

I'm 22 and a virgin, the closest to a sexual encounter I ever had was phonesex, and no matter how much I enjoyed it, I never got off by using my fingers, It just made me feel like i had to pee, and since there was no pressure with fingering, I just resulted to my method after he was done. Which not to mention is very annoying when you're partner gets the full effect, and you cant achieve that same amount doing the sexual act in itself. I think when the time comes, I will enjoy the act of sex, but the ablity to not be able to acheive orgasm the standrard way worries me abit. When over the phone I was able to get away with streching the truth to my EX, but when things get physical I wont be able to hide it anymore.

Still while reading some of these articals it puts hope in me, that oneday after a little practice I can master the art of orgasm in different types of ways! Till then ill be doing the old fashion way. :) 

Finally thought of googling my problem and yay

Thu, 01/09/2014 - 11:53
thecluelesssqueezer (not verified)

As many others have said before, glad to finally find out at the age of 27 that i am not the only one.
As others i have started this at a very young age too but sadly I was told that this was shameful and bad by my mother, and even worse by my grandmother (who suggested that move is the move to wish someone you love to die). It never occured to me to google it as i just figured there is something wrong with me and it didnt matter so much cause most of the action i was getting was from one night stands or short term relationships.
However, it was completely instinctual and I have been getting off like this to this day. I am not a virgin and received oral and had penetrative sex however i just had to clench the muscles and fake it by the end cause i figured it would be impossible for me to orgasm. While playing with my clit myself, even though i start wet and horny i end up dry and bored. However i will try the tips on the site next time i go for it. 
Since i am having my first long term serious relationship, i am more than happy to find this site and realize that i am clueless in how to achieve orgasms other than by squeezing. Hopefully my next comment will be a success story :) 

Good to know it's fixable!

Thu, 01/09/2014 - 23:02
ExperimentalV (not verified)

[= large] I finally don't feel so alone! The only way that I can manage to orgasm is lie on my stomach and play with myself while squeezing my legs together. I've been doing it for years, and can't orgasm any other way. It's been putting tension between my boyfriend and I because he tries so hard to satisfy me through oral, and playing around with his hands. At first I thought he had a problem because I could please myself easily and he couldnt. I'm so happy that ya'll helped me out with this. I am embarressed to talk to anyone else about it. I'm going to try to retrain myself, and see if that will work!Thank you for telling me that there is actually a solution to this! [/]

same here too

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 15:34
shelley (not verified)

I am a 56 year old woman and this is basically the only way I can have an orgasm.  I mean come on.  I have been doing it since age 4.


Tue, 01/14/2014 - 15:36
shelley (not verified)

been doing it since age 4, now I am much older, how to breaK IT?

please help me

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 15:49
shelley (not verified)

I have been sqeezing legs for about 50 years. I AM 56. NEWLY REMARRIED GOOD LOOKING HUSBAND WITH GOOD BOD!

Shelly, please go to the website and read my information.

Betty Dodson's picture
Wed, 01/15/2014 - 11:28
Betty Dodson

You will have to retrain your body by practicing masturbation following my basic directions. The essay is titled, "Learn a New Orgasm: How to Upgrade Your Masturbation Technique." This is not the place to ask questions. Next time, go to Ask Dr.Betty.


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 08:59
Kylie (not verified)

Omg I thought I was the only one that did this the only way I can orgasm is by squeezing and grinding I thought I was doing something wrong I am trying to break the habit but its hard when it feels so good I am so glad I found this post I don't feel so shameful now

Other method

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 23:55
Enembe (not verified)

This might sound silly, but it works and my boyfriend LOVES it. After foreplay, I lay on my side and close my legs together. He will put his penis in between my legs from behind or front, and we both move so that his penis is rubbing my clitoris and I'm squuezing him between my legs. Just make sure It's plenty wet, which has never been an issue for us. He has gotten off all over my legs many times this way and finds it very sexy and unique. :) And we've only been together five months. He was more than willing to try it after the first month of me not getting anywhere and we always do this before penetration. I find it very erotic when he gets off between my legs, also. Cause it feels very good to him, too. Good luck!

So amazing reading this.

Thu, 11/27/2014 - 19:05
Laurascarlet (not verified)

So amazing reading this. Since I was 2 or 3 I have been doing this holding my breath crossing my legs and kinda rocking? I attended many medical appointments as my parents used to see me doing it and think there was something wrong with me. But one problem I was scared to actually show anyone what I did they came up with the term "stiffying". I used to hide away from everyone and do this and be ashamed and just to this day at 21 years old I have found out why it felt so good and what is happening. And I also cannot climax any other way! But would love to know if anyone finds any good methods that help do so :) thanks

Rubbing thighs

Thu, 01/29/2015 - 09:53
Chic (not verified)

I'm so glad there are more than just a few women who masturbate by rubbing and rocking method. I have also been Cumming this way as well since I was 6 years old. I can't cum by fingering. I lose interest very quickly this way. I find by lying on my stomach and rubbing my legs I orgasm quickly and it feels amazing. I do find that when I rub my left knee it gets red I get like an abression because I rub so hard and I scream. I would like to try other ways but I'm now 44. Is it too late to break an old habit?

Chic, it's never too late. :)

Fri, 01/30/2015 - 07:30
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

Chic, it's never too late. :) I began masturbating also on my belly grinding my semi-erect penis into my palm. Did it thus until my teens when from porn I gathered this wasn't typical and discovering partner sex and difficulty cumming from an inexperience with 'in and out like a gripping hand,' figured I should learn the more 'typical' way. And I did.

I'd say though that if you have orgasms on your belly, doing it any other way isn't required. I gather from this site many women have difficulty reaching orgasms so would say if you don't doing it the way you do, keep doing it that way. No need to invite a learning curve trying it some other way if it's working for you already. If you just wanna dabble though go for it. Not like there's an international committee reviewing how people masturbate nodding or scolding them. :)

Getting your partner in on the squeeze!

Sat, 06/20/2015 - 10:31
One Trick Pony (not verified)

I also only climax by squeezing. It took a comfortable partner for me to experiment with, but I was able to find a way to reach orgasim with my partner while squeezing. Absolutely amazing btw!
I allow myself to enjoy my partner as any one would enjoy, but when I'm about ready to go for it I move to my side. It's not my favorite position all the time, but it's a good place to start the next steps with minimal/if any interruption.
I mound a corner of my blanket against my clitoral area (not back so far that it will interfere with him and his good work-nobody likes chafing!) Once it's in a place that feels right we roll together. Me on my stomach and him above. From there I can squeeze to my heart's delight while enjoying my partner. The combination has allowed me to enjoy what I never thought I would-climaxing together. The combination also creates a very deep and powerful climax that can send me shuttering for long after.
I'm not sure if the blanket part it necessary at all for you (whoever you are). It just helps me get more pressure with less effort. I have enjoyed this for many years, accross relationships now. Men I have dated have told me they used this technique with later partners and it did "wonders" for those who had either never had a orgasim or never been able to have one while with their partner.
I'd still really like to expand my horzions, the beginging of that mission started here. It's good to know I'm not alone, but when I read responses of women who have only used squeezing and never enjoyed orgasm with their partner I gotta say - It can be done!
I'm sure it seems like we are just being stubborn, but to me it feels like my body is stubborn. In either case, the stress is real. It was for me and my partners and still is on occassion. It can be annoying to have what can feel like a ritual and the routine can eventually rob the enjoyment from being reached. BUT for those with one trick AND no pony, try this. It might leave you a one trick pony for while, but it's a dam good trick together. I also, think opening the door to climaxing with a partner is a better place to start expanding your trick bag rather than putting it all on yourself. Having your long time partner FINALLY be a part of it is usually very special and motivating too*

Since  doing this does it

Thu, 07/02/2015 - 02:44
Anonymous5678 (not verified)

Since  doing this does it mean I can't have an orgasm during sex?


Thu, 07/02/2015 - 02:47
Anonymous5678 (not verified)

With me climaxing this way is it impossible for me too have an orgasm during sex?

But why???????

Thu, 07/16/2015 - 01:21
Andronymous (not verified)

This has always been a problem for me too. I can orgasm from sex but it is veryyyy rare. What does work is when my boyfriend touches me. I don't know why I just can't bring myself to. I'm glad it seems the tutorials help. Thanks for that!

Does anyone know why this is a thing? Just curious.

hii i also havee the same

Fri, 03/18/2016 - 13:38
rimi (not verified)

hii i also havee the same style but i've read that is position causes obesity nd thickning of thighs...is it true?

SO Glad I Found This

Fri, 04/29/2016 - 23:49
Atl0114 (not verified)

I am 21 and have been having sex for 4 years and this is the only way I have been able to "finish". I finally admitted to my boyfriend (today) that this is what I was doing and he suggested that I look into researching it. This was the first page I clicked on and it made me feel so NORMAL! I am definitely excited to hear about others who were similar to me and found other ways to climax. I can't wait to enjoy this with him and not just myself. Thank you everybody for writing on here for others to come across!