Virgin Asks: How Can I Make My First Time Great?

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 13:32
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

First off, I love your work and your message. I'm 27, a virgin and I started masturbating about 6 months ago. And, your videos have really helped me to learn about self-love. My only fear now is my lack of skill in the sack. I've started seeing a nice guy about a month ago and now I'm considering having sex with him.

But I'm afraid of being a dud in bed. How can I make my first time with him a great one that will make him want me more?

Dear M,

You have the wrong emphasis here: "How can I make my first time with him a great one that will make him want him more?" Already you are a slave to his opinion and since you are a novice, you'll have to put on a porn act and fake pleasure. Let him know you are new to partnersex. Start with honesty not some foolish notion of getting him to fall for you or want more sex.

First off, don't expect to have an orgasm from intercourse alone. Most important is to enjoy what feels good and communicate when something is uncomfortable. Most guys love to have a girlfriend who can answer the question: "What or how do you like to be bla, bla bla?." Since you are so new to exploring your own body, honesty is always the best. A possible answer could be, "I don't know how I like my clitoris to be touched because I've just started exploring this myself."

Wow! A girl who is honest and direct is a winner. If he doesn't think so, then he's a looser. Most likely it will all be over before you figure out what's even happened. Unless your BF is experienced, and if that's the case, never hesitate to ask him honest questions. Why do we think we must appear to be experts? Chances are he's more nervous than you about all this. Communicate!!!

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Spend a weekend teaching and learning each other

Fri, 11/07/2014 - 15:30
?? Feminist Indignation ?? (not verified)

     Your question of how you want to make him
want more is right on the money, because you want him to come back for your
pleasure. So yes, cater to his sexual needs and expectations. But your
difficulties are two fold. You want him to cater to your needs so
"you" will want to come back to him for more. This second fold is
what Betty gave you advice about! Both are important.

     If he has only been with experienced women
he may not know how to be with one who is inexperienced. He may not know how to
bring you along just as you are not sure how to bring him along.

     Sex is selfish it is about ones own gratification. If you have been reading Betty's books one would guess you have a lot to teach him about his body. That is you have lots of questions to ask him and lots of ideas about how to play with him for his pleasure. Even though
your bodies are different you have tried some of these on yourself. So you are
not as inexperienced as you think.

What Betty seemed to be telling you is lower your expectations and your self-judgment and
don't use someone else's pleasure as gauge of your own success. The same advice
applies to him whether you are a virgin or not. He may like you, not realize
how wonderful really selfish sex is when both parties put all of their sensual
attention on one person. In sex giving is not as blessed as receiving but
experiencing someone else's orgasm very cool. Spend a weekend teaching and
learning, take brakes to talk; relax with long walks, museums and dining!

Enthusiasm always accounts

Sat, 11/08/2014 - 04:25
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

Enthusiasm always accounts for more than technique. If two people are really into each other, that'll come through during sex. Isn't about doing this, then do that, then the other things well, but genuinely enjoying yourselves. Enjoy each and every thing you do together as if it's the only thing you're gonna do and that'll come through to your lover and it'll be great.

Avoid Double Trouble with Faking First Time Out

Sat, 11/08/2014 - 10:11

Not that I am pessimistic, but I doubt any woman's first time is going to be a good one for her or run easily. Both may be nervous, but I am assuiming the guy will have a very definite clue how to orgasm during intercourse. The question is, will YOU have enough guts to practice what gives YOU an orgasm...and apply that to either intercourse or as a side dish....or will you fold like many women do, act out the porn queen scene and fake the bit O so he will like you and come back for
more. Do that and you have poisioned the path even more for sexual satisfaction to happen. Sooner or later women get tired of faking, because once they DO, they have pretty much signed up to the guy's belief system that you will orgasm from intercourse alone and every time like that - and right now we will assume that is a 'give in' since we do not know much about his approach so going for the norm in this case scenario. To get out of that, faking will add more issues to this already existing problem, because now you will have to 'fess up' and tell eventually tell him the truth when you want to stop faking and do something vastly different. So he does not look at you like you have twelve heads growing on your torso when you change up the routine, you will have to now say: "Oh, for the past four months I have been faking and I never had an orgasm with you." That socks the wind out of a any guy on 2 LIED to him so how can he trust you, and he might fold with the added ego bust about himself that he is not adequate enough in bed for you. So there you are standing at the door as he gives you your walking papers to 'go find the right guy who CAN get you off.' You want to avoid that pidgeon hole at all costs if you want a healthy sex life and relationship with a guy.
So my point is, why not tell the truth up front that you are new at partner sex, but you love to explore new things, and you love sex, and you want to learn how to orgasm with a guy (assuming you have learned about your body and it's responsiveness to self stimulation) and then have a blast at learning what HE likes too and do it all together. There is such a great path for having great sex if both partners go into it wit honestly abnd having fun and wanting to get and give one another great pleasure.
Good luck and rooting for you!