Is He Pretending to be Heterosexual?

Fri, 12/08/2017 - 08:13
Submitted by Betty Dodson

hi Dr. Betty :)

Thank you, because you helped me through your website, a lot in exploring my sexuality while being in a very conservative society.

I have a question concerning my fiancee, my future husband, as our marriage is approaching, I began to discuss sex with him, and to try flirting, to see how the chemistry will be between us. He told me something really strange: the first porn movie he saw, it was by mistake on his friend's laptop, it was featuring a woman masturbating and stripping, he told me that this scene made him "vomit"!

I asked him about sexual desire when he began having "desire" for women.. he said "he never did"! that he loved a couple of women, but just platonic feelings. then I asked him, what's pleasing a woman in sex? how would he please me? he said, "he would approach me like my sister" I was astonished! he continued "that he would masturbate me like a girl would do", when I told him that's very strange thing to say, he explained that most women he knew were interested in being lesbians, I told him then I'm interested in men, I desire men... he tried then to masturbate me, but he didn't even try to please himself, he didn't try to ask me to do anything like oral sex or a handjob for him!

I even asked him if he would like me to make him happy, and to flirt with him, but he was just negative about it.. like no need. I didn't understand why he was so controlling over himself.. where is his desire? isn't he into me? he says he loved me a lot! then I asked him, what's an interesting place he would like to visit? he said " a gay club"... when I asked why he said it seems like fun. no more explanations.

I asked him directly if he has homosexual fantasies or desires, and that I would understand.. he denied strongly. is he pretending to be: heterosexual? or is he homosexual, bi-sexual but he's not aware of his own sexual orientations? is vomiting while seeing a naked woman is normal for a male teenager?

Dear M,

Call off your wedding and run in the opposite direction from your confused future husband.

He is a mess of conflicted desires, ideas and confusion sexually. If you must wed him due to your circumstances, be prepared to pleasure yourself and be plutonic friends at best.

Dr Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Sun, 12/10/2017 - 09:38

Vomiting because you've caught sight of a naked woman is not a normal reaction for a male teenager, anymore than you would expect to vomit if you came across a picture of a naked man.

It isn't clear from your post what kind of "conservative" society or culture both of you have been brought up in but it does sound as if you and your prospective husband have had quite different reactions to that culture.

I also wonder whether you want to continue with the marriage, maybe because other parts of the relationship or arrangement work well for you and your family.
If you want to reconsider the marriage, then maybe you could carefully mention this reaction of your fiancee to your mother and father before the marriage goes ahead?

Most conservative communities view marriage as for the purpose of children and grandchildren. If your prospective spouse is phobic about female bodies, it makes your parent's chances of becoming grandparents significantly less likely - it might well be a reason they think worth reconsidering the arrangements.